You ARE Enough!!!
I’m not an all caps, or superfluous punctuation, kinda guy—but this message demands it!!! All humans seem to question if they are enough, if they matter, if they are significant. It is at the heart of our identity as individuals and lays the framework for us to enter into securely attached relationships.
You must believe you are enough.
You’ve got to believe it so deeply, you naturally live out of that belief.
Failure to believe this core truth causes doubt, a lack of self confidence, and it cripples the individual’s ability to offer his or her self in relationship.
Fellas (in particular), many of us have been taught that our worth and value is tied to our performance. We’re taught if we have power, prestige or performance, then we can point to something that would show we matter. Time and time again, I see people who have achieved in those ways look at their success and say, “Is that it?” Turns out what they really want can’t be achieved by performance.
Here’s the hard truth:
You can never do enough, to be enough.
So then, how do we determine our worth and value? How do we ever know we are enough?
In my office, I answer this question in two ways:
For my faith based clients, I have them turn to their faith. Many times religious traditions speak to humans and humanity’s worth. I, as a Christian, take great delight and wonder that God loves me, wants me, and does not hold my wrongs against me (Romans 5:8 addresses this beautifully).
For my clients who aren’t part of a faith tradition, when they doubt they are worthwhile, I ask them a simple question: When did that change? See, as young children we all know and believe we have intrinsic worth. A young child expects to be fed, changed, paid attention to, etc. We don’t teach children this, they are born with it. So, if we could tap back into this natural belief, then we can make some headway as adults.
Honestly though…neither of those approaches really work. I mean, they are true, sure; but practically, they don’t really seem to help. If it were as simple as identifying truth, then we’d have had it figured out by now. But it isn’t that simple, is it?
There are times when I cannot tell myself the truth about myself. In these moments, I need someone else to do it for me. I need someone who knows me to speak truth into my life. We need deep friendships.
So, until you develop those true deep friendships, let me act as a surrogate:
You do matter. You are significant. Your worth and your value has never been contingent upon your performance. Nor are you defined by your darkest moments. Instead, you, you, you…when you live out of your truest self, you are beautiful, and solid, and thoughtful. You are worth being known and accepted. You are worth love. You are important. Yes, you matter.
